A comment from a facebook friend the other day (thanks, Adrian!) got me thinking. We really do go overboard to celebrate people when they’re dead. Why do we have such an aversion to celebrating them while they’re alive? Is that really so wrong?
I mean, unless you’re a really sick person, like the ones who celebrated Andrew Breitbart’s mysterious death, when somebody dies it’s like we forget all about their foibles and bad parts, and we just talk about all the good stuff.
I’m not saying we should talk about the negative stuff once they’re dead. I’m saying, yeah, like Adrian said, we should celebrate them while they’re alive!
But it’s not socially acceptable, is it. It’s too uncomfortable for us to talk about WHY we love (or even just like) someone else.
We dance around it, because to come out and address the values that we respect in other people says a lot about us, doesn’t it? And what if we don’t find anything about a person that we can really say, “yeah, I love _______ about them.” ? Then what?
There’s the social stigma, too. Not so much for women, and not in all cultures, but us sophisticated westerners, and especially the men, we’re too “cool” to talk about our bros on a deeper level. I mean, dawg, we’re just ridin’ fools, man, ain’t no need to be gettin’ all sappy n shit! That’s kinda gay, bro.
And that’s really it, huh. Good job, western society. You’ve effectively killed the ability for a man – especially macho men, like extreme athletes (which is where the original comment spawned from) – to show any sensitivity or even freaking appreciation for his fellow man.
If he does, he must be -gulp- gay.
Right?
That’s a topic for another day. But I think it’s impossible to address the aversion to showing appreciation for our friends while they’re alive (as men), without addressing the gay stigma that gets placed on guys who show affection or sensitivity for their friends.
My friends who are gay don’t have a problem with this. And that’s one of the things I really appreciate about them – they have no qualms about being open and honest about how they think and feel about other people.
I can do without some of the drama now and then haha, but it’s actually refreshing to see the honesty, in contrast to the guys I hang out with doing macho manly “straight-guy” stuff. You know, because no straight guy ever liked fashion, and no gay guy ever played sports, right.
The bottom line is that it’s a social phobia that most (straight) western men have ingrained in them. Don’t show too much affection for your bros. But if they die, THEN it’s cool and everything to let the world know how you feel about them. Just don’t overdo it, because you know, you don’t want to look like an emotional sissy or anything. I mean, they died doing what they loved, dude! All good!
WTF? Seriously. Why can we not tell the world about how awesome our friends are while they’re alive? While they’re able to receive our appreciation, while they’re here to feel pretty damn good about what we just said – in public! – about them as a person, not just the coments we make on the sick photo they posted of going big?
I have some very close “bros” that I love and cherish dearly. I know that I’d say all sorts of wonderful things if they passed on. I’d eulogize them because I’d want the world to know how awesome they were.
Were.
Screw that!
I want the world to know how awesome my friends are while they’re alive, so that maybe those who hear can get to know them and be as inspired, motivated, encouraged, and buoyed up by these people as I have been.
Someone awesome should not be kept a secret until they’re dead. The more awesome they are, the more they should be celebrated while they’re alive.
Thanks, Adrian, for hitting the nail on the head with that comment. See, facebook does serve a purpose. It planted a seed in me that I need to celebrate the people I love, now.
Some of those people might not even like it. Hearing people rave about how awesome you are in public is hard to accept, isn’t it? Because we’re told all our lives that people who take pride in themselves and in the good that they do, they’re narcissists.
I call bullshit.
I’m proud of who I am. And my friends should be proud of who they are too. Because they’re awesome. And I’m going to make it a point to start celebrating my friends, publicly.
Because like it or not, they shouldn’t hide from the truth. It’s going to be said when they’re dead…why not enjoy the fruits of their labor, integrity, and values while they’re alive?
So get ready. :) I’ve got a lot of friend-bragging to do.