I was texting a friend recently in a middle of the night, and we were having a conversation about insomnia (more or less). I declared that I dislike sleep, hate it, really. Is that odd?
It’s just such a waste. Eating, I get that, at least. I mean, there’s enjoyment in the taste sensations even if it’s just a quick organic shake that I blend up and guzzle down. Other daily activities, most of which take place in the room erroneously labeled for "rest", well, those are pretty annoying too. But at least there’s a mirror, so I can look at my pretty face while wasting 3 minutes and 29 seconds brushing my bicuspids. Ha. Ha.
Sleep, though, there’s just no redeeming qualities about it for me, other than the fact that I have no choice BUT to do it. And maybe that’s the first insight I should examine for why I hate it. ;-)
So here’s my reasons why I hate sleep:
1. Are you kidding? I’m going to waste more than a third of my life doing something that has little redeeming value? Ok, yeah yeah yeah I get that rest rejuvenates my body and mental facilities, etc etc. But that’s just a biological design issue – a "flaw" in my opinion – I’m going to ask my Creator about that one day (just think if it was totally OPTIONAL! Wow!). Besides that, I gain nothing from sleeping.
Sensorially, there’s nothing to enjoy. Hell, I’m unconscious! Lucid dreaming? It’s a lot of work. A lot of pointless work – if I’m going to use my mind for something, it’s going to be PRODUCTIVE something. I personally don’t find lucid dreaming productive, unless it entails me tapping into the great vault of brilliant ideas that haven’t yet been done, and remembering them when I wake up. (That’s kind of the important part.) =)
And as a general rule I do not enjoy my dreams. Jung has plenty to tell me about that, as does Freud. Really, guys, I appreciate the help, but I’d rather not think of myself as a cracked-out reincarnated robber baron who thinks he’s a polar bear. Please.
2. Hating sleep means I don’t want to do it, which typically leads me to keep my mind cranking on big ideas and fleshing out the details that bring them to life. Occasionally, though, it leads me to write posts like this one. And we both know how’s that’s turning out.
3. Sleep is not FUN. I like things that are fun. Riverboarding is fun. Creating things is fun. Kissing while driving is fun. Sleep doesn’t qualify. Therefore, I don’t like it.
4. Except for a few months out of the year, or when I’m traveling, sleep is cold. (Ironically, I sleep really well when I’m traveling…) I hate being cold. Since one of the defining characteristics of sleep, for me, is "cold", well…point made.
5. Sleep is lonely. I’m used to being alone, working, living, etc, and I like A-lone. But sleep is different. Sleep is a sort of depressing alone, where I lay there thinking "I need to go to sleep" and try and shut my mind off, and the next thing I know I realize that without being productive I really have no one and nothing. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s just depressing because I have to deal with basically kicking my inner creative buddies to the curb once a day, for something I don’t like and am forced to do (sleep, in case you forgot. lol). I just need my creative facilities and I’m good to go, other people or not.
Which, speaking of, that’s partly why I only actually enjoy being around other people who think big and are passionate about life…there’s always good creative synergy there, even if we disagree. But people who are content with the mundane, no matter how sweet and "wonderful", I don’t enjoy being around. Ironically, those people tend to rank "sleeping" as one of their favorite things to do. That boggles my mind.
6. Sleep is worse with other people. I really don’t like sleeping with other people. I don’t like going to sleep first, because then my last thought is "will I wake up with shaving cream splurping out of my ears?" (think: college roomates); I don’t like it when the other person(s) go to sleep first, because then their heavy breathing and/or snoring messes with my drifting-off-to-sleep creative thought rhythms; and trying to go to sleep while cuddling with someone just doesn’t work for me, no matter how beautiful they are and how good they smell – it just makes me even more restless, and I want to get the next day started and LIVE! Or live in the right now moment. Either way, can we skip the sleep? ;-)
That’s another thing – I will skip sleep for any fun, spontaneous reason whatsoever, no matter what responsibilities I have the next day. So if ever you want to pull an all-nighter, I’m your partner in crime (figurative, please)! Is that, um, IRresponsible? (No – I’ve proven many times that I can function on no sleep…especially if the previous night was filled with good fun!)
Alas…I need to go get some sleep coz I have tons to do tomorr- today. What was my point of all this?
My best ideas come when I can’t sleep, and that leads to more insomnia, because my mind becomes like a motor that just won’t stop, churning out idea after idea…the marketing, the brands, the biz plans, the innovations, the art…all of it seems best when I’m too tired to be distracted by anything and kind of in that dazed, semi-subconscious state, almost a waking-lucidity.
I think though the moral of the story is that I am failing to work hard enough without stop during the hours I am awake. If I were exhausting 100% of my facilities during the 16-19 hours I’m awake, then I’d be asleep the second my head hit the pillow.
So I guess the REAL reason I hate sleep is because it reveals to me that I am not living up to the values I have set for myself, and that I don’t ACTUALLY work hard enough. Which means I shouldn’t hate sleep, I should be grateful. Because now I know what needs fixing.
Ah, sleepless blogging…how can I thank thee?
By spending my waking moments in such intense, passionate, Kevin Garnett-like productivity that I never end up sleepless and blogging again! =)