I’ve always had a strong distaste for men who like "elbow jewelry". I’ve seen it too much firsthand, and it’s sick. I determined long ago to never objectify anyone I was in a relationship with.
That can take on a lot of different meanings, though.
It’s not just about parading someone around because of their ________ (fill in the blank: beauty, intelligence, skills, money, status, etc.).
Sometimes it’s possession by control.
It stems from the same insecurity, but it’s far more subtle. It’s an attempt at holding on to that person that the insecure person fears losing (rather than seeking to earn), by jockeying for position in their life.
The insecure person knows they don’t really deserve to have the objectified person in their life, so they subconsciously (sometimes – other times consciously) scheme to be a part of that person’s life.
What happens though is that typically the person being objectified doesn’t know it. And when (or if) they find out the insecure person’s motives, they generally are flabbergasted. All the more so if they have a rational, logical outlook on life.
I saw this in action recently. The objectifier stated that they had done something for many years that they did not personally enjoy, because it was something that they could do with this other person, and they did it because they loved the other person.
That really made me think.
No, the pic doesn’t really have a lot to do with anything. It’s funny though. And one can only imagine that it might relate to this post somehow.
A) Sacrifice is evil. It is giving up something good for something
less than good. Logical, rational existence should never attempt
sacrifice. Love definitely does not ever "sacrifice". Therefore, if
someone did something which to them was evil (they didn’t like it),
that’s not love, that’s just crazy.
B) Failure to earn one’s own self-admiration and respect leads one
to attempt to possess others, in order to mask the pain of their own
shortcomings. Instead of fixing the problems that keep them from
earning their own love and pride, they use other people to prop up
their ego (which Freud somewhat correctly stated stemmed from
insecurity – or was that the super ego? regardless). Deep down, though,
they know that they are frauds, and it makes them even MORE insecure.
I started looking at my own life, and thinking about myself, and my friendships, and business acquaintances, and people I use. Wait, did I just say that? Sure. Life is a game of trade.
The difference is, traders know that something is demanded in return.
That’s off-topic though. Anyway, I was thinking about myself, and if / where I’ve gone wrong, and realized that sometimes I have been guilty of these charges. That there have been times when, instead of dealing with the one thing in me that would keep me from earning this person’s attention / love / affection / etc, instead of fixing me to earn them, I’ve tried to possess and control them.
Why?
Because success at that game, if only temporarily, can mask the pain of the root cause of my inability to earn them in the first place.
But, that only drives me more crazy and insecure, and unless I earn them, I can never keep them, so it’s a futile, agonizingly brutal process.
Part of what Rand says leads to insanity, and modern-day peeps call "bi-polar".
Simple honesty with myself and my weaknesses, and then fixing those weaknesses to earn my full trust and respect and love and pride first, will then allow me to earn the time and friendship and whatever else from whoever else, as is necessary for a productive life.
And if it’s not possible to earn someone else’s _________ (friendship, business, love, etc)? What then?
Well, then I move on – no sense wasting time with something / someone that is unproductive to me. If they’re not a productive asset to my life, then I am foolish for dealing with them. And if I am dealing with them from a motive of some sort of insecurity, then I’ve got a major problem.
No matter how beautiful, talented, smart, funny, blah blah blah…nobody is worth more to me, than ME. Love is trade, values for values. It’s not slavery, ownership, possession, force, objectification, or a battle.
It’s a choice, but it’s based on logic or it’s not love, it’s just some crazy emotion that could stem from just about anything. Including whacky, off-base, insecurities.
Check your premises. And do the right thing for yourself. Fix you, and your earning potential goes waaaaay up.
Then there’s no need to control or objectify, because everyone in your life that you value will be there because they share your values, and value themselves as well. Everyone is an individual, free to come and go as they please.
Yikes, isn’t that scary?
Only when you need other people to make you feel secure. It’s not that logical, rational humans don’t enjoy other people, absolutely, we’re meant to interact.
But there’s a difference between mutually enjoyable trade, and neediness…